“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And, most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.” Steve Jobs
Firstly, what does being earnest even mean? I’m not too sure. According to the Cambridge English dictionary it ‘means serious and determined’ ‘and ‘being unable to find your actions funny.’ I have to say this wasn’t the take on it that I had. I was thinking more along the lands of the definition that is used in terms of being in earnest, which it suggests means to be ‘speaking honestly.’
I would suggest that seems there to be a link between being earnest and being authentic, you could say it means speaking your truth. For me it also means that if you are enthusiastic or passionate about something, being unafraid to express that. I don’t find this particularly easy. In some ways it feels like a 20 year hangover from secondary school, wanting to be accepted and perhaps not wanting to stand out. At school, certainly when it came to learning it seemed that it was not the done thing to be enthused about education and one of the key rules I picked up was to always understate the amount of work you’d done at home. Maybe its taken me my whole life to work out that an external person to my self does not know better than me in terms of what is best for me.
However, I feel like I’ve got to the point where it feels like life is a wee bit short to not at least try to bring my true self to the fore. I say try because I think us humans are confusing multi dimensional creatures that can move between parts and roles. For example when it comes to concepts of spirituality, there is a part of me that wants to lose all discernment and to run away into the ether. I often find ideas that our physical world is an illusion and that there is another realm that could potentially have great significance to be alluring, particularly at times of physical and emotional pain. And at the same time I sometimes find an old Stokie 60 year old man’s voice in my head going, ‘What a load of bollocks’ when someone suggests a calcite crystal in their pocket is going to support them to make significant change in their lives. I think what I’m saying is that this idea of us being one straight forward person is a myth so that suggesting we be our true authentic selves might not always be as easy as we may think.
But I think we can make things easier for our self if we on the majority of occasions say yes to the things we want to say yes to and if we feel able to stand up for things that are important to us then to try and do that. It also feels relevant to think about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Authenticity and earnestness feel related to self actualisation, the concept of fulfilling our potential and living a life of creativity and meaning and something that is at the very top of Maslow’s hierarchy. In essence its all well and good me banging on about saying yes to the things that are important to us, however if we haven’t got our basic needs met like food, shelter, warmth, I can imagine it might feel offensive someone that is privileged and middle class banging on about you becoming your most authentic self. For example, in work we may feel we have to compromise our selves in order to bring a pay cheque home.
In my opinion, I think it would also be a mistake to think that being authentic means telling everyone exactly what you think. Kindness still remains important and I don’t think it’s earnest or authentic to go around giving everyone a piece of your mind. Also we might also confuse being emotionally dysregulated and reacting hastily with being authentic. This is a concept made in point 5 of a Forbes article Authenticity: What Is It And How Do You Embrace It? (forbes.com).
In healthy environments I believe we gradually feel more comfortable to be our honest selves as we get to know people better. Indeed, Stephen Joesph, in his book Authentic, suggests that when people are in environments where they feel trusted and valued, they feel more able to be more truly themselves. And the more people feel able to be truly themselves amongst others I reckon this leads to greater understanding between people and deeper connections. Realistically this requires time and space to happen.
I guess like anything, we never fully arrive at an end destination where we have become fully authentic. It’s an ongoing process, particularly if we are choosing to live in the world and in the realm of relationships. And I don’t think it us straight forward or easy. Some what annoyingly, we will never arrive at a final destination and we’ll just have to keep trying to walk our walk and dance our dance amongst our fellow travellers.
Authentic – How to be yourself and why it matters – The new book by Prof. Stephen Joseph (authenticityformula.com)
Authenticity: What Is It And How Do You Embrace It? (forbes.com)
.svg)
.svg)